Self-Reflection

As a starry-eyed 20 something year old, I entered the world of politics. I was gleefully excited and filled with joy. I was excited about being part of something greater than myself and being part of a new administration that held hopes for real change and transformation of my beloved hometown, Newark, NJ. I had a lot to learn about life.

I had challenging, engaging, wonderful and exciting career experiences working for the City of Newark and on the campaign trail.  As a public relations specialist, I interacted with the media, elected officials, community leaders, business owners, key influencers, and celebrities. It was a whirlwind experience.

I once heard a television evangelist, Joyce Meyers, say “New level, new devil.” This rings true more than words can express. New levels pose new challenges. Consequently, these experiences provide opportunities for learning and growth.  How we choose to see the matter truly depends entirely on us.

It’s quite easy to go along to get along. However, when your conscience keeps getting louder and louder, it’s a very hard thing to ignore. At pivotal points, I had to decide who I was going to be. Would I honor my values?  Can I do this thing and still look at myself in the mirror the next day? I had to ask myself, who was I? How can I operate in such a toxic environment and truly be myself? Was I doing impactful work? The most difficult part was I couldn’t fully be myself in that environment. I didn’t feel safe. I had to drape myself in a shield of armor each day to attend work.

I saw colleagues that I admired, trusted, and thought were honorable, do dishonorable things. I felt disappointed as the image I held of them shattered before my eyes. I saw lives and reputations being destroyed. I witnessed the judgment being passed. I saw the consequences of unethical actions and behaviors -firings, jail time, legal charges, careers destroyed, and reputations tarnished. These weren’t bad people. These were people who got caught up and make poor choices. They didn’t honor themselves. They lost their way. But I realized that we are all on our individual paths. People make mistakes and we all have lessons to learn. As the enlightened teacher Jesus said, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone…”

So, what’s my lesson?

Understanding things that affect my behavior and well-being

As a witness to these occurrences, I started reflecting and asking myself tough questions. What’s most important to me? How will my decisions impact me years later? How do I honor myself and family first?

I had to face who I was and how my nature and personality did not fit well into the political treacherous environment. I desired a team spirited work environment. I valued honesty and collaboration. However, I experienced a cutthroat environment with ruthless self-serving individuals. Trust, respect, and safety were rare to find.   At times, I felt as if I was in a lion’s den. I had to stay guarded and on high alert, so I wouldn’t be devoured.  Luckily, I did have a few close colleagues that I could trust. We were solace for one another. I am truly grateful to those colleagues who were my lifesavers.

Family time was not valued. It’s the nature of the beast. Most people who work in politics live and breathe it each day. I value family time and leisurely days off. Most individuals work around the clock and are on call.  I had many sleepless nights and was constantly on the go. It was very hectic and stressful, especially dealing with the media, supporting a very popular public figure, and living in a 24-hour news cycle. My health was suffering, and my six-year-old son was missing his mother and acting out in school.

This is not to say that some people can’t thrive in this environment. The political arena just wasn’t an environment that best suited me.

Integrity- wholeness – “the state of being whole and undivided.”

My work environment didn’t match my core values. This mismatch caused me much grief, especially when I was elevated to a higher-level position because I wasn’t walking in my personal integrity. My actions were not aligning with my values. I was putting work before my son. Work consumed the majority of my time. I was a round peg trying to fit into a square peg. That’s how my doctor described me. Although I was competent and excelled, the truth was that I took a leadership position that wasn’t a good fit for my life and personality.

A few years ago, I went on a weekend spiritual retreat. Upon check in, I was asked to pick a card from the table. I was told this card would list a word that I would need to learn and teach. My word was “Integrity.” I’ve been learning how to walk in my integrity for years now. I’ve been learning how to be whole and undivided in my thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors. It takes a lot of examination, especially of unconscious belief systems, and learning to become aware of how I show up in the world in all areas of my life.

Truthfully, it took years to unpack all of this. However, the silver lining was that working in New Jersey politics helped me examine who I was, who I wasn’t, and who I wanted to be. That experience challenged me to explore what I wanted in my career, how to balance my career with family life, and how to experience the quality of life I desired.

The lessons I’m learning:

1.)   Know thyself

2.)   Trust yourself

3.)   Embody Integrity

4.)   Be In alignment mind, body and spirit

I have no regrets.  These experiences were all for my highest good. I gained so many skills and unleashed my creativity working on exciting projects. I had so many exhilarating experiences and met some amazing people.  Furthermore, I flourished in my new career in public relations. Moreover, I gained confidence in my abilities and had great learning opportunities.

I learned that just because I am capable and have the skill set to do a specific job, doesn’t mean it’s a job I should take.  It took me two more times to learn this lesson. Last year was the third time I was presented with an opportunity because an employer thought I would be good in a certain role. I reflected and decided to turn it down because it wasn’t a good fit for me. I trusted myself enough and said no to the higher salary and no to the stress. No to the lack of joy I’d have in that role and the reduced quality of life.  The adage rings true “three is a charm.”

I challenge you to take a deep dive within yourself.  While working in politics, pause for a little and do some soul searching.  Ask the burning questions and then wait for the answers.  This takes time and patience. However, when you do this, you are well on your way to finding peace. Politics is not for everyone. But it is for some people. They thrive and can make a real difference. It’s imperative to stay true to yourself because it can be very easy to lose yourself and follow the crowd.  The recipe for soul searching while working in politics is self-reflection, understanding the things that affect your behavior and well-being, becoming whole (integrity), and living in alignment with your values, mind, body and spirit.

Strategies to help facilitate this undertaking are silence, prayer, meditation, and facing your truth- whatever that may be. It’s an internal job. It requires honest self-reflection and then learning to trust yourself. Learning to navigate your inner world is truly where your power lies and where you’ll find peace.

Editor’s Note: Readers can Access the first part of Kimberly DeHaarte’s “A Guide to Inner Peace While in NJ Politics” here.

Kimberly DeHaarte enjoys writing and sharing information that will help inspire and encourage people as they navigate their healing and wellness journey. She aspires to be a vessel to spread love, hope and healing. Kim is a loving mother to a teenage son, who she affectionately calls her “Little Buddha” teacher.  Kim is a plant-based/vegan foodie and chocoholic. She loves being outdoors soaking up sunrays in sunny Florida. You may catch her jogging at the park or meditating on the beach.

Twitter: @KD_haarte
IG: @Lotus_1_Love